


WORDS THAT KILL

by derriere_le_miroir



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Gen, MGSV, PW Drama CD References, Speculation, The Phantom Pain, Torture, pre-release
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 18:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derriere_le_miroir/pseuds/derriere_le_miroir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The black dark pit that’s part of his face is still the same, and there are a couple more scars, but he can’t help but find there’s something so off about him now, he just can’t put his finger on it. Like it’s the same man but at the same time, not.</p><p>The eye is not the only thing that’s missing now, and the bloodred steel of his prosthetic feels hard and cold even through his tattered clothes. He wants to reach out for his face, and wonders if the other man feels and looks at him the same way, seeing a familiar stranger, detached from the shared, lingering past that they both had been robbed of.</p><p>---</p><p>Speculation fic based on the recent MGSV trailer, set immediately after Big Boss rescues Kaz in Afghanistan. Three men set course for hell. Pre MGSV release, not entirely canon compliant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	WORDS THAT KILL

_Words that kill_

_Would you speak them to me_

_With your breath so still_

 

Drifting in and out of consciousness, Kaz can tell it's a bumpy ride, but his Boss had never been a very careful driver, and he's surprised at himself for even remembering these tiny details without having to think about them. Like the slight, shaky drawl to his voice when he's worried. Now that the gunshots have subsided, Kaz really wishes he'd talk more, but he doesn't. His presence is soothing all the same, and for the first time in years, Kaz feels as if he can breathe freely, that he isn't being stifled.

Years. He's lost count how many exactly, but it had felt like an eternity, waiting, hoping beyond hope. They'd taken their sweet time disfiguring and crippling him, one scar at a time, gutting him open like an animal and making sure that it hurt. Removing the fingers, one by one, before they meticulously started cutting away at the arm, making it a painful process lasting over a month. He could still feel the hot knife tearing flesh and bone, being shoved back and forth like a saw. Week for week, they kept playing with him and plucking out his limbs like he was a worthless doll belonging to a particularly sadistic kid.

There had been times when it would have been easy to give in, to slip away and escape, just like Big Boss had done before him, but then he imagined over and over again how he would arrive, some distant day, and find his lifeless, rotting corpse, another dead comrade. Kaz knew that he was too weak on his own, and not strong enough to persist in this world without him—he'd made that clear, so many years ago when they first met, and while in captivity, Kaz came to the painful realization that he had been right.

_Let me tell you what they'll do to you._

A sudden wave of relief washes over him, and Kaz can feel himself crying silently, warm tears rolling over his cheeks as he stares into the nightsky passing by overhead with the one healthy eye that remains. He would have never imagined that acceptance would feel so cleansing, like hellfire. It's a blessing, this one truth:

He belongs to Big Boss.

"I knew you'd find me again, that you'd come back," Kaz whispers, quivering voice barely audible over the roaring engine of the jeep, in a daze. "That's what kept me alive, all these years..."

And suffering.

***

Big Boss halts the jeep after another couple miles, and Kaz wonders if they've arrived at their destination—whatever their destination is, _probably hell_ , he thinks to himself with dry humor and a dry face. He hears one car door close and another open, then Big Boss's voice, gritty but soft.

"Kaz," he says to get his attention, leaning over him to pick him up.

"I'm awake," Kaz responds, and shifts around in his seat, in an attempt to make it easier for the other man to get a better hold on him, while he wraps his one arm around his neck. For the first time, Kaz is able to get a closer look on his face, his vision no longer blurry, but it's still difficult to make out much in all this darkness; the night and the trademark aviators Big Boss had brought him, proof that is undeniably him, even if he looks different now.

The black dark pit that's part of his face is still the same, and there are a couple more scars, but he can't help but find there's something's so off about him now, he just can't put his finger on it. Like it's the same man but at the same time, not.

The eye is not the only thing that's missing now, and the bloodred steel of his prosthetic feels hard and cold even through his tattered clothes. He wants to reach out for his face, and wonders if the other man feels and looks at him the same way, seeing a familiar stranger, detached from the shared, lingering past that they both had been robbed of. He carries him over to a nearby campsite that seems to have been prepared in advance, and turning his head, he thinks can make out the silhouette of a horse.

"An hour," Big Boss says, "Then we need to move again. Someone's gonna pick us up." He carefully places the other man down to sit and lean against a rock, and Big Boss remains close to him, in a crouch, lending support. Kaz knows he doesn't set up a fire because it's too dangerous and could give their position away to pursuing troops.

This time, removing his arm from the other's shoulders, he touches his face, dirty thumb wiping away a speck of blood.

"You still haven't told me where we're going," he says, sounding hoarse due to not having used his voice in so long.

"Somewhere safe."

"There is no such place," Kaz replies, and knows that's the truth. "They'll find us, and it'll happen again. We're just here to suffer, we're..."

"It's going to be okay, Kaz."

"Nothing's okay, and you know it!" He almost shouts, but it comes out as a croak. Big Boss turns his face towards him, looking him directly in the eyes as he goes on, "Look at me. _Look at you._ Look at what they've done to us, and you tell me it's okay? Everything is gone, Snake. If I could, I'd just..."

"I know," Big Boss replies, remaining composed and enduring his partner's sudden outburst. "And you will, Kaz. That's why I came to get you."

"Came to get me..."

There's a dangerous glint in Big Boss's dark eye, and suddenly it occurs to Kaz what had been so off about him. He's gripping onto his upper arm, though he doubts he even feels it, as strength has seeped out of his body over the years.

"I need your help."

He understands; the other man doesn't even need to say more. Beneath that composed, stoic exterior, he's seething and hurting, too.

_(you want blood and you'll have gallons of it)_

Big Boss looks like he wants to say something else, but it's then that he hears the galloping of a horse in the distance, approaching quickly. Kaz flinches and gets ready to scramble away, thinking it's an enemy, but Big Boss holds him in place to calm him down. The riding figure that's stopping only a few feet away from them doesn't appear hostile. He seems familiar, but Kaz can't immediately recognize the man sporting a duster coat. Cowboy getup...

"Well well," he says, dismounting his horse gracefully, and Big Boss gets to his feet without drawing his gun. "I hope I didn't interrupt something. Seems like you managed to live up to the legend."

Big Boss doesn't address it. "The border's not far away. We can make it before dawn if we move soon. If we continue on horse, chances of detection won't be as high."

The man inclines his chin towards Kaz. "Can he?"

"He'll be fine." Big Boss moves to his own horse, _soon_ apparently meaning _now._

"Boss," the other man addresses him, apparently having noticed Kaz's distrustful, questioning stare. "Ten minutes."

Big Boss's intense gaze goes back and forth between the newcomer and Kaz, giving this consideration, obvious that he wants to leave the country as quickly as possible and would rather postpone explanations.

"All right," he relents, with a grunt. "Make it quick." He fishes for a cigar and his zippo in his backpack as he removes himself from the scene to keep a lookout for enemy scouts, some distance away, pacing. Kaz redirects his attention to the recent addition to their group, and now that he's had some time looking him up and down as well as trying to place his voice, it's not difficult to figure out who it is.

"Ocelot," Kaz says, dryly. "You look like shit. What a couple years can do to a person."

Ocelot gives a good-mannered laugh, adjusting his scarf and coat as he approaches Kaz with slow but long steps, his spurs jingling.

"Indeed. Surprising, isn't it?" He lowers himself down to Kaz's level, mostly to rip off the remains of a sleeve and inspect the stump that remains of the man's arm, and he's not particularly gentle about it, causing Kaz to wince and squirm.

Ocelot just sighs. "Amateurs, the whole bunch of them."

"I really appreciate your sympathy," Kaz remarks with cutting sarcasm.

"You don't need my sympathy, Miller," Ocelot replies, nonchalantly. "We both know this isn't about you."

Kaz grits his teeth. Ocelot—it's hard to forget a person like him, even though they'd never had much contact while Kaz had still been negotiating with Cipher. All he knew was that he cared for Big Boss's well-being, specifically, asking for status updates periodically. And then when Mother Base fell--

"At least you kept your promise."

_Watch over him. Make sure Cipher won't let him come to harm. He's no longer a threat._

"Of course," says Ocelot, raising a brow. "I'm a man of my word, Kaz."

But Kaz knows he wouldn't even have had to ask him. Big Boss had never told him about Ocelot, but whatever their story was, it had formed a strong bond between them, and he can definitely relate to that.

"So," Kaz grumbles, leaning away again, the hard and angular rock hurting in his back. "Care to fill me in?"

"I've mobilized some contacts, got you an old abandoned base off the coast of Karachi. You're rebuilding."

"Are we," Kaz says bitterly, frowning to himself. He looks over to Big Boss in the distance, his dark silhouette almost seemlessly merging with the backdrop of the black sky, were it not for the glowing ember of the lit cigar.

"That's what he wants." Ocelot pauses, following Kaz's gaze. "You'll have to go about it differently, this time. No more romanticized concepts of mercy and justice."

"That why you decided to join in on the fun?"

Ocelot smirks. "At least I'm prepared. Are you?"

"I want to see those bastards bleed," Kaz grinds out, and the other man touches his shoulder with a gloved hand. "Everything they've done to us, I wanna do to them. They've already sent me to hell. I can handle it, as long as I get the men and resources." Ocelot nods, and says nothing for a while.

"I asked him the other night—we'd just been out of the worst, and he seemed spooked—what it is that he sees."

"What he sees?"

"Said they were all burning. The entire world, set ablaze." Ocelot gives a weary sigh, and moves to get back up to this feet. "He's changed."

"I noticed," Kaz murmurs. "I think we all have."

"We've only just started. Kaz," Ocelot gives him a serious look, and leans down to help him up—time to go. "This time, I need you to promise me something."

"What—is it?" Kaz responds, stumbles, and almost falls over, if it weren't for Ocelot supporting him.

"That you will see this through," Ocelot continues, helping Kaz towards Big Boss's horse. Big Boss himself seems to be done with his smoke, and is approaching the pair.

"Whatever he wants, he will get it, no matter the cost. Each day he suffers is one day too many. I've lost him once, I will not lose him again. If you chicken out, I'll show you how torture is done properly."

_They've taken something from you too, haven't they. John is gone._

"It's a promise," Kaz says, his hand curling into a fist as Big Boss supports his other side, moving to get him up the horse with Ocelot's help.

"You two done? It's time we get a move on."

"Ready when you are, Boss. Lead the way."


End file.
